


Not Willing to be Your Form of Self-Harm

by Endellion



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Healthy Relationships, M/M, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 01:13:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16822168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Endellion/pseuds/Endellion
Summary: Derek and Stiles have an unhealthy relationship and Stiles knows it can't continue.





	Not Willing to be Your Form of Self-Harm

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so first of all it starts with an unhealthy relationship. Derek is not in a Good Place (tm) and his sex with Stiles is Not Healthy. There will be mention of Stiles having sex with other nameless characters but it is brief and non-graphic. There is a happy Sterek ending.

Ash coated the few times they had sex. When they kissed, it was like smoke pouring from Derek into Stiles to curl in his lungs. It left him feeling tainted after; used and marked and naked on the empty bed. Derek never said the words, “I’m sorry”, but his every action muttered regret until the phrase was written in sweat-ink all over Stiles’ skin. Stiles was a survivor and he knew one thing for sure: his sarcasm would not keep this from destroying him. So he kissed Derek, so much softer than any of their desperate meetings before, and then said he couldn’t do keep doing this. Stiles couldn’t heal Derek. 

When Derek left, not two days later, Stiles wasn’t surprised. Crushed, guilty, grieving for all they had had and how much better it could have been, but not surprised. Scott sat with him, the evening they realised Derek wasn’t coming back. He put an arm around Stiles’ shoulder and blessedly said nothing. It was all Stiles wanted. 

Stiles moved forward, but he did not move on. He graduated high school, Lydia beat him to valedictorian and he begrudged her nothing. He went to Berkley and visited his dad during holidays. He Skyped him at least once a week to harp on John about vegetables and tease him about his developing relationship with Melissa. He danced in clubs with men who smiled easily and didn’t know the dry burn of ash. Men who didn’t know about howls in the night, screams for the dead, or riddles in darkness, Men who kissed like it was a game with no losers. Stiles did not call them back. There were no misunderstandings when bodies separated, no regrets to cling to lips and throat. 

When Stiles graduated with his Bachelor’s degree, he went home to Beacon Hills. The Nemeton welcomed him back with a familiar buzz under his skin and Deaton gave him a book on developing a spark. Scott was a partner at the veterinary surgery. Lydia was onto her Master’s degree and had her sights firmly on that Fields medal. 

And then, Derek came back. 

Derek had a tan and a beard and he still wore Henleys and jeans but his shy smile when he saw Stiles showed off his bunny teeth and his voice was a clean breeze when he said Stiles’ name. There was no ash on the hand that took Stiles’ with a gentleness that they had never shared. Derek asked Stiles out and Stiles said yes. 

Later, when they kissed, there was no smoke, only a steady warmth ready to burst back into flame. Stiles’ skin held no regrets, only sweat and release and mutual adoration. Derek’s touch didn’t mutter of self-loathing but he did say, very quietly, “Thank you.”


End file.
